Seven Principles of Biblical Friendship (Part 3)
By way of review from the previous two articles:
- Be Selective (or Be Careful)
- Have Boundaries
- Give to the Friendship
- Require Respect
- Demand Honesty
- Be Forgiving
“He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends” (Proverbs 17:9).
This teaches us to be generous in extending the gift of forgiveness to our friends, by covering their offenses. No friendship can last without forgiveness. “A friendly eye is slow to see small faults,” wrote Shakespeare. True friendship is too valuable to throw away over petty differences. Consider two other verses that should help us in understanding this idea of forgiving and helping as a godly friend.
“An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire. A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends” (Proverbs 16:17-28).
Don’t have close association with a gossip; it will never help you in your spiritual walk. In I Timothy 5:13 this type of person in the church is called a busybody; people who just like to be “in the know.” The only reason that they want friends is to be up on what’s happening in someone’s life. They also like to talk to others about everyone else’s business. These people just want to be close to you to be close to information about you. This is not godly friendship, and one should avoid these types of associations. Also, we should analyze our lives and make sure that this is not a character trait in our friendship to others. Are you friendly to people just to get the latest buzz in the church family or in some relationship near you? This is a damaging characteristic to have as a friend. The Bible tells us to avoid the busybodies and talebearers.
For some people, this is the biggest hang-up for getting close to someone. Maybe they’ve been burned in the past. Maybe someone they know has been burned. They just don’t know if they can trust anyone. I have experienced this in my life, but this does not mean that I resist having godly friends. Some people see sin in the church, sin in the Christian school, or sin in families, and then say they will never go to that church, be in that school, or associate with that family. This is a silly argument. This world is sinful, and you are shocked that people sin? Sin in this world will mean that sin will be in the church, in Christian schools, and in families in your church. I need to learn to be forgiving and be a godly friend. There will come a time that I am in sin and I need a good friend to be a help to me in overcoming that sin through godly principles. Yes, people are sinful and can let you down, but that does not mean that you should be a recluse and not have godly friends or be a godly friend. You can unwisely give your trust to someone who breaks it, but the critical question is whether you trust Christ to lead you to have the right friends and be the right friend to others. If we are going to be a godly friend, we will not be ungodly—always prying for evil in others lives or family business. Stay away from that type of friend and find another person that you can help. Learn the lesson from bad experience and make sure that you are not a busybody in your friendships.
- Work at Faithfulness
“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).
The heart of friendship is consistency in care and love through the ups and downs in a relationship. The greatest test of love is sacrifice. “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Christ being the friend of sinners sacrificed so much for his friends. He was faithful in His relationship through the ups and downs here on this earth. He was praised, hated, followed, forsaken, sought after for healing, sought after for killing, and on and on. Christ shows us that faithfulness is possible in a friendship. Consider Proverbs 19:22, “The desire of a man is his kindness: and a poor man is better than a liar.” Solomon is saying that what people really want to see in a friend is steadfastness and kindness. When he says a poor man is better than a liar, he is saying even a faithful friend who has nothing is better than a man of wealth who says he’s faithful and then turns his back on a friend.
Finally, in the world, a policeman or the slang “cop” is someone who is just looking over your shoulder waiting for you to mess up. We have been inundated with these types of church members and friends; we honestly do not need any more accountability “cops” in the church. Christians have come up with some religious and sanitized ways of being a “friend,” but they really are not a faithful friend that is there in a time of trouble. A real friend isn’t someone who merely polices your life; rather a good friend is a fellow traveler. A real friend is someone who gets in the car with you, helps you drive within the rules of the road, travels with you through life in good times and bad, helps you look out for the potholes and construction detours, helps you find accurate directions, and helps you get to where you are going safely and in a timely fashion. A good friend learns how to balance confrontation and compassion, persistence and patience.